American Mythbusters
or, What I’ve Learned about Americans, thanks to the British
Although different cultures like to poke fun at each other, it’s always a bit uncomfortable to have people make fun of you to your face. It’s usually done lightheartedly, but it’s easy for the patriotism in your veins to push you to the defense of your homeland and customs (while laughing at the joke). Although I’ve had people say a plethora of things about Americans (usually focusing on our rude attitudes, how loud we are– often mistaken for confidence–, George W. Bush, capitalism, promiscuity, and Southern accents), I’m going to share my favorite anecdotes.
1) Americans don’t know geography.
I have tried to be polite as possible when people ask where I’m from. I usually say “New Hampshire” and explain its relative location to New York. I’ve only met two people who knew about New Hampshire. The first was into American politics and knew NH was the first in the primary elections. The other knew about it from watching West Wing (and then began humming the theme song).
I will confess that my geography is poor with the exact location of a few the Oceania islands and some of the Middle Eastern and African countries, but I certainly know the general location of most countries. Which is why I was offended when a man told me where England was.
Him: So, where are you from?
Me: I’m from the US. And you?
Him: Cool. I’m from England. You know, the country just south of here.
And he was being dead serious. I told him that I did indeed know where England was (given that we are on the SAME ISLAND!) and he said that he just wanted to make sure. Thanks, dude.
I can’t fault him completely. He cited Miss SC Teen USA as his impression of the American education system. Natasha told him that I was also a beauty queen and I could locate South Africa AND the Iraq on a map (which is true). So, not all pageant participants have trouble with that. But the ones who do get air time.
2) Americans have a very limited lexicon.
While practicing short monologues at an audition, a few of the people auditioning had questions about the vocabulary used. One asked for clarification on the word “laconic” and I added to the definition given by the person next to me. Another asked for the definition of the word “lasciviousness” and I gave a brief response, which was followed by a gasp from the person who had defined laconic.
Me: What?
Him: I’m being shown up on my vocabulary by an American!!
Me: (I laugh) So?
Him: Well, that’s just wrong.
Me: I’m an English major. I should know what these words mean.
That wasn’t good enough for him. Apparently, I could have written the entire dictionary myself and he still would not accept that people who enjoy reading tend to pick up words along the way–no matter what country they are from.
Speaking of words, I learned that “pants” in American English is not equivalent to the British word for it by surprising my stage manager. I told her that one of my actors runs onto stage without wearing pants. It wasn’t until then that I realized I should be using the word “trousers” because “pants” means “underwear” here. Whoops. A few friends left Facebook messages with other words to avoid, like suspenders (garter belt), elevator (lift), and steak and kidney pie (botulism–a Simpsons joke).
The Australian street performer in the previous post had a joke where he counts to three in various languages. Sensitive to the multicultural audience, he said the Spanish could go “uno, dos, tres”, the French, “un, deux, trois,” the German, “eins, zwei, drei” and the Americans “One…..(long pause to think)…one….”
Ouch. But I suppose, being #1 in the world, we don’t need to know any other numbers (or so we like to think).
3) Americans have terrible chocolate.
This is true.
Yesterday, before lecture began, a group of women sitting behind me were talking about candy and immediately started ragging on Hershey’s. I gave away my eavesdropping with an outburst of laughter, catching their attention.
Me: Sorry, it’s just I’m American and–
One of the ladies who just finished calling Hershey’s bland, powdered cardboard: Oh! I am soooo sorry. I just–
Me: No, you are absolutely right. Hershey’s is crap.
This put them at ease. Except then, they talked about Cadbury (which is only a half step up from Hershey’s in my book). The sad thing about Hershey’s is that you grow up thinking that is what chocolate is supposed to taste like…..until you go abroad…and then, you’re ruined. Ritter Sport is by far the best chocolate. Miles ahead of even the best British brand. It’s 100 grams of heaven, especially the marzipan kind. I need to find a German confectionery immediately.
As my Dartmouth professor said earlier in the term, “Remember, you are an ambassador for your country.” I’m doing my best to break preconceived notions of Americans. Most of the stereotypes are an ounce of truth with a bit of exaggeration. It’s all done in good fun, though.
In the gallery: the inside of the classroom for my Classics course and being silly with the ladies. I meant to take a few photos of my play, but I was too excited to remember at the time. It went well and I had a great time at the Student Arts Festival. Big thanks to everyone who has supported me along the way!!
